my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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