Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize