Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
