i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
