He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
