I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
