i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
where does the pee come out of this thing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
