high people should be assigned attendants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
