I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize