then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
True strength comes from lack of pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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