the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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