I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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