if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
