there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
