I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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