So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
