I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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