I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
