Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think i got beer on your cat.
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