i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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