ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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