You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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