I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
