She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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