Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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