I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize