Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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