Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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