DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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