Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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