Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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