at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
