when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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