i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
