i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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