Pants 0. Shit 1.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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