i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
