My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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