I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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