i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
