mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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