it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
