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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
