I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
