About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
