found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
