You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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