I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
