He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
