i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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